They come from American parents and American families, American homes, American schools, American churches, American businesses and American universities, and they are elected by American citizens. The cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Functional". Theres a nice campaign slogan for somebody: The Public Sucks. ", 43. ", 74. You know what they want? "It helps to remember this.. This narrative is based on a deliberate fiction. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. Full transcript of George Carlin's "Dumb Americans," excerpted from "Life is Worth Losing, his 13th live comedy stand-up special, performed at the Beacon Theatre in New York City for HBO. ", 42. After that, they dont want to know about you. "Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. How do school teachers handle this? "I was a loner as a child. The cookie is set by Snapchat to show relevant ads to the users by tracking user behaviour on Snapchat. And apparently, I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions. The 2023 theme was "cooperation in a fragmented world," with WEF noting, "The world today is at a critical inflection point. You have no choice. Everybodys going to save something now. I don't trust none of them. To me, war is a lot of prick-waving! It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. It also helps for marketing automation solution for B2B marketers to track customers through all phases of buying cycle. January graduated with an English and Literature degree from Columbia University. Scorecard Research sets this cookie for browser behaviour research. But there is an I in independence, individuality, and integrity. If youre pre-born, youre fine, if youre preschool, youre fucked.. George Carlin gives him the finger from the grave. "Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist. Deal with it. Laugh until you gasp for breath. You have owners. "May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. ", 19. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. Its a big club and you aint in it. Politics Notify me about new: Board Topics. Its because volunteers work for no pay. Theyre not interested in that. Broadly speaking. He has been widely cited as a political humor expert and authored two books on the subject. Board Messages . Carlin considered conservatives and Republicans the greedy, warmongering class in political ideologies. Vimeo installs this cookie to collect tracking information by setting a unique ID to embed videos to the website. You don't. You have no choice. ", 105. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers. the fact that Americans will probably remain willfully ignorant of the big, red, white, and blue dick thats being jammed up their assholes every day., This video is completely devastating for Trump. of American cultural paradoxes.. I'm a cowboy who . "Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did. ", 101. ", 91. '", 123. The challenge is to find it. George Carlin, What if there were no hypothetical questions? George Carlin, The planet is fine. There is actually a semi-important figure in American history who is named for a blow-job movie. You have OWNERS! 42. And apparently, Im not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions. George Carlin, Im completely in favor of the separation of Church and State These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. George Carlin, If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. George Carlin, If there is a God, I think most reasonable people might agree that hes at least incompetent, and maybe, just maybe, doesnt give a shit. After harping on his skepticism of politicians, particularly Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden, 51-year-old Ice Cube doubled down on his distrust of the government on Tuesday by sharing a. We havent tried that for a while. "That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it. Used to help protect the website against Cross-Site Request Forgery attacks. "The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. George Carlin was an American stand-up comedian, actor, social critic and author. You know what the motto for this country ought to be? LinkedIn sets the lidc cookie to facilitate data center selection. ", George Carlin's acerbic wit and profound societal insights were a one time cultural phenomenon. "Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. Set by Bluekai, this cookie stores anonymized data about the users' web usage in an aggregate form to build a profile for targeted advertising. 02. Now, some people like to twist that around. They should be more vivid. ", 11. "Laugh often, long and loud. To avoid conflicts, each partner's ID is stored using separate cookies, which are merged to the ljtrtb cookie when it is available. #AmericaWakeUp. "Sometimes people say, 'Do I try to make audiences think?' ""Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? I don't like cats. Because if everything is really the fault of politicians, where are all the bright, honest, intelligent Americans who are ready to step in and replace them? "You show me a lazy p***k who's lying in bed all day, watching TV, only occasionally getting up to p**s, and I'll show you a guy who's not causing any trouble. "Isnt it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do 'practice? And generally speaking again it's all generalized the left-of-center people are more concerned with humans and human beings and human concerns; to the care of humans, not the care and worry about property rights. AddThis sets this cookie to ensure that the updated count is seen when one shares a page and returns to it, before the share count cache is updated. These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. Everything He ever makes dies. So, maybe, maybe, maybe, it's not the politicians who suck. The legendary comic, who died in 2008 at the age of 71, is also the subject of an upcoming two-part documentary, George Carlins American Dream, which debuts on HBO Max later this month: By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. (LogOut/ Fascism won it. "When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. ", 46. "I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately. They are irrelevant. Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. AddThis sets this cookie to enable the visitors to share the web pages on social platforms via sharing buttons on the website. This cookie is set by Segment to help track visitor usage, events, target marketing, and also measure application performance and stability. Recorded on November 5, 2005, Beacon Theater, New York City, New York. Carlin passed away in 2008 before he could see the prescience of his comedic wit and intelligence with the rise of Republican Donald Trump's candidacy this year. What if puberty blockers are a kind of sex crime? The Onions fictional editor board asked in a mockery of The Times concern-trolling on trans issues. God has a three-day weekend. George Carlin, The real reason that we cant have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not commit adultery, and Thou shalt not lie in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. This problem can be solved by pre-school children in 5-10 minutes. The embattled gay representative has denied his drag persona, but these three performers have embraced her with comedic flair! 123 Rocky_Roku 1 yr. ago Didn't he say that he despised liberalism just as much as conservatism? George Carlin, I am is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. This cookie is used for embedding The Guardian video player. That's generally been true. The video featured audio from George's Wake Up America bit combined with imagery of events and people in today's society. This cookie is set by pippio to provide users with relevant advertisements and limit the number of ads displayed. They want obedient workers, people who are just smart enough to run the machines and do the paperwork. Whats that, a bonus? Because you have the illusion of choice. No president has done right by us. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience. George Carlin, Religion has actually convinced people that theres an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. ", 124. This cookie is set by DoubleClick and is used for re-targeting, optimisation, reporting and attribution of online adverts. Obedient workers, people who are just smart enough to run the machines and do the paperwork. You ever notice that? By programmers in one hour. Everything He ever makesdies. George Carlin, The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. ", 29. Everyones at the mall, scratching his balls and buying sneakers with lights in them. He died from heart failure in 2008, survived by his second wife Sally Wade, and his daughter, Kelly. ", 95. In 1972, he was arrested for violating obscenity laws after his infamous comedy sketch, 7 Words You Can Never Say On Television. the politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. "If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? "I have certain rules I live by. ", 30. I just dont have as many people who believe it. George Carlin, Now, theres one thing you might have noticed I dont complain about: politicians. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family. In fact, sometimes you get the impression that theyre the only ones who vote. ", 112. Photo: Matthias Clamer (modified by author) Source: Getty Images One-liner jokes. "If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, youre going to have selfish, ignorant leaders. Because he was a genius, and here are 11 quotes that prove it: 1. This cookie is set by Rubicon Project and is used for recording cookie consent data. "I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loath and despise the groups they identify or belong to. "I'm happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in. Whatever you do dont make it go viral! ""Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? "'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. They own, and control the corporation. '""The difference between left and right of centeroriginated in the Frenchparliament. This cookie allows the website to identify a user and provide enhanced functionality and personalisation. These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. "Atheism is a non-prophet organization. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. "I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' I think I need to show them that I have brought myself to a cleverer, smarter spot than they have.". Ice Cube visits the "Sway in the Morning" show with Sway Calloway on Shade 45 at SiriusXM Studios on December 07, 2018, in New York City. I like people who buck the system. Yeah, the public sucks. But once the child is born? Here is one I would suggest: 'Alcohol will turn you into the same a**hole your father was. The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.". This is the best we can do, folks. May 12, 1937 June 22, 2008. ", 20. A unique user identifier cookie, set by Microsoft Application Insights software, that enables counting of the number of users accessing the application over time. ", 34. I say: 'No no no,' because that really would be the kiss of death," Carlin said in his final interview before his death in 2008. AWSALB is an application load balancer cookie set by Amazon Web Services to map the session to the target. ", 63. "A good motto to live by: 'Always try not to get killed. they don't wanna know about you. ", 40. ", Join half a million readers enjoying Newsweek's free newsletters. '""I have solved this political dilemma in a very direct way: I don't vote. I firmly believe that if you vote, you have no right to complain. Thats the problem. George Carlin, I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood. George Carlin, Governments dont want a population capable of critical thinking; theywant obedient workers, people just smart enough to run the machines and just dumb enough to passively accept their situation. George Carlin, How can He be perfect? Thats what the owners count on, Carlin intones. "Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. It helps in consumer profiling for online advertising. You have owners. The late comedian often times poked fun at religion, politics, and social justice. They dont fall out of the sky. ""Boy, these conservatives are really something, aren't they? This cookie is used by Akamai to optimize site security by distinguishing between humans and bots. "How is it possible to have a civil war? Now one of his most famous routines has swept the internet a dozen years after his death. Nothing changed. "When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' Forget the politicians. "I don't believe anything the government tells me.". And nobody seems to notice. Thats right. By clicking Accept All Cookies, you agree to the storing of cookies on your device to enhance site navigation, analyze site usage, and assist in our marketing efforts. George Carlin: Life Is Worth Losing George Carlin told us about the Corona panic years ago Ryan Davis 3.5M views 2 years ago Joe Rogan | George Carlin's Lost 9/11 Special JRE Clips 2.6M. He was regarded as one of the most important and influential stand-up comics of all time. ", 36. "If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isnt the whole airplane made out of that stuff? Like the public. On Election Day, I stay home. They spend billions of dollars every year lobbyinglobbying to get what they want. ""Think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of 'em are stupider than that. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZijLQGH1v0 No, wait, hold on . ", 125. She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. On July 26, a 2-minute video created by Pattern Integrity Films was published on YouTube, and it quickly took off via social media. "How come when its us, its an abortion, and when its a chicken, its an omelette? ", 111. Set aside 30 minutes to watch investigative journalist Whitney Webb speak with MintPress News in the video above. Bomb them! And of course, the bombs and the rockets and the bullets are all shaped like dicks. Crown thy good into temptation but deliver us from the twilight's last gleaming. ", 75. You should die first; get it out of the way. "We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass. "Everybody's been mad at me, cause I haven't been on the f**king, y'know, the gravy train of these candidates, especially Joe Biden and Harris. George Carlin. F*ck Hope. George Carlin, In America, anyone can become president. '", 70. If you vote, and you elect dishonest, incompetent politicians, and they get into office and screw everything up, you are responsible for what they have done. Term limits aint going to do any good; youre just going to end up with a brand new bunch of selfish, ignorant Americans. "I don't have pet peeves. ", 77. 'George Carlin - Life Is Worth LosingRecorded 5 Nov 2005, Beacon Theater, New York City, New YorkReleased: January 10, 2006Audio-visual content monetised by copyright claimant, MPI Media This cookie is set by Prebid Server. ", 110. It seems only right. ", 54. George Carlin - Government doesn't care about you - YouTube 0:00 / 0:37 George Carlin - Government doesn't care about you ThreeToedPete 955 subscribers Subscribe 502 Share 35K. George Carlin. ", 109. "The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions. "The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. Some critics felt that Ice Cube's willingness to work with Republicans signaled his support for Trump. ", 119. "Don't give your money to the church. ", 121. This cookie is set by Segment to track visitor usage and events within the website. ""This is a little prayer dedicated to the separation of church and state. "My advice: just keep moving straight ahead. Answer (1 of 12): He was a liberal. - George Carlin. They want more for themselves and less for everybody else, but Ill tell you what they dont want. His entire bit is included in the nearly two-minute video perfectly conjoined with photos of Trump and the results of his administration flood the screen. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Analytics". The truth is that George Carlin would be branded a left-wing nut job who has pie-in-the-sky ideas and wants people to collect money for doing nothing. ", 98. Carlin was a New York City-based stand-up comedian, social critic, writer, and actor, best known for his unconventional and vulgar comedy routines. Theyve long since bought, and paid for the Senate, the Congress, the state houses, the city halls, they got the judges in their back pockets and they own all the big media companies, so they control just about all of the news and information you get to hear. You only get to hear cats. And nobody seems to notice, nobody seems to care. Functional cookies help to perform certain functionalities like sharing the content of the website on social media platforms, collect feedbacks, and other third-party features. And if they tell you youre not a team player, congratulate them on being observant. George Carlin. OK? ", 27. Its you. By the way, its the same big club they use to beat you over the head with all day long when they tell you what to believe. They own you. ", 86. After that, they don't wanna know about you. And they all vote. The JSESSIONID cookie is used by New Relic to store a session identifier so that New Relic can monitor session counts for an application. Just like homeless people. ", 2. A 2018 survey by the Pew Research Center reports that less than half the country says elected officials care what . Others see it half empty. She writes about astrology, games, love, relationships, and entertainment. ", 37. I think I was probably a cowboy in a past life. It will not be with jack-boots. George Carlin Shitting on GovernmentBuy Me a Pizzahttps://www.buymeacoffee.com/LaughPlGEORGE CARLINhttps://www.youtube.com/user/OfficialGeorgeCarlin/feedGeorge's websitehttps://georgecarlin.com/Social Media:\rInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/thelaughplanetofficial/\rYoutube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiI_jyH_0yttWG-m5fBYGmA\rTwitter: https://twitter.com/laugh_planet\rWebsite: http://thelaughplanet.comContact us: ash98jha@gmai.com #GeorgeCarlin #Government #America #Comedy #LaughPlanet Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure. This cookie is used for storing country code selected from country selector. "In America, anyone can become president. 2. The Great George Carlin. What we need is a king, and every now and then if the kings not doing a good job, we kill him. If you're preborn, you're fine; if you're preschool, you're f**ked." George Carlin was one of the more popular and influential comics to emerge from the 1960s counterculture. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to nine months. Ice Cube added the brief caption, "Facts.". "I think people shouldbe allowed to do what they want. On Sunday, the 29-year-old Angie revealed that not . The uuid2 cookie is set by AppNexus and records information that helps in differentiating between devices and browsers. ", 10. "The planet is fine. ", 114. They don't fall out of the sky. Going after racists, sexists, fascists, and aiming to bring those who try to restrict freedom to justice. AA: George Carlin can say some outrageous things -- years ago the US Supreme Court found his "seven filthy words" monolgue "indecent." RS: But when he stopped at the National Press Club in. "Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. . Carlin, who was known for spewing critical rhetoric against the government, organized religion and big business, first delivered the quote during his 2005 HBO comedy special, Life Is Worth Losing. Even right-wingers are getting tired of their queerphobic schtick. ", 102. Then you're just what they're looking for. ", 41. No neonatal care, no daycare, no head start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. After harping on his skepticism of politicians, particularly Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden, 51-year-old Ice Cube doubled down on his distrust of the government on Tuesday by sharing a famous quote by the late, great comedian George Carlin on Twitter. Chartbeat sets this cookie to store information about when a visitor has visited the site before. These cookies track visitors across websites and collect information to provide customized ads. They want your fuckin retirement money. It does not store any personal data. 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, LLC. However, Ice Cube has endorsed neither Trump nor his Democratic rival, former Vice President Joe Biden. ", 7. This cookie is used to collect data on user behaviour and interaction to make advertisement on the website more relevant. ", 116. The rights and the rights of property. "Now, there's one thing you might have noticed I don't complain about: politicians. - George Carlin. American - Comedian May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. Some of the data that are collected include the number of visitors, their source, and the pages they visit anonymously. January Nelson is a writer, editor, and dreamer. "People are wonderful one at a time. You don't. Well, where do people think these politicians come from? This ensures that the cookie consent box will not be presented again upon re-entry. These days, 'Trajedi. Most are only interested in self pleasures and bad habits. "Religion is like a pair of shoes: Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes. ", 21. This cookie is used to manage the interaction with the online bots. The demdex cookie, set under the domain demdex.net, is used by Adobe Audience Manager to help identify a unique visitor across domains. If you're preborn, you're fine; if you're preschool, you're f**ked. 1. Then you live in an old age home. Theyre not interested in that. Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save those snails. And the greatest arrogance of all: save the planet. This cookie is set by Eloqua. MediaMath sets this cookie to avoid the same ads from being shown repeatedly and for relevant advertising. George Carlin. But there is an I in independence, individuality, and integrity. and if you want to make this about "comedy" then Carlin should tell these things called "jokes". ", 9. In fact, liberals are so successful at winning the culture war that they are alienating most Americans. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever til the end of time! "Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. The cookie is a session cookies and is deleted when all the browser windows are closed. Obedience, respect for authority. No neonatal care, no daycare, no Head Start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. "Never argue with an idiot. Enter your email address below then click "FOLLOW" to receive email notifications of new posts. Ice Cube may be engaging in a political kerfuffle with Democrats following the news of his latest partnership with President Donald Trump's administration for the "Platinum Plan," but the rapper and actor is keen on letting his fans and followers know that he is not necessarily banding together with the government, despite what the past week of headlines might suggest. Casale Media sets this cookie to collect information on user behavior, for targeted advertising. Am I right? "It's never just a game when you're winning. "Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers? After that, they dont wanna know about you. ", 5. ", 85. ", 14. That's what the owners count on; the fact that Americans will probably remain willfully ignorant of the big red, white and blue dick that's being jammed up their assholes everyday. They don't care about you at all -- at all -- at all.
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